HARRY DANGER POTTER (potter_mouth) wrote in storge_space,
HARRY DANGER POTTER
potter_mouth
storge_space

  • Mood:
YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD OF ME BEFORE.  I'M HARRY POTTER.  VOLDEMORT (YEAH, I SAID HIS NAME) TRIED TO KILL ME WHEN I WAS A BABY AND I LIVED, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, HE DID KILL MY PARENTS, LEAVING ME SADLY ORPHANED, BUT WITH A LOT OF MONEY AND NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.  WHAT BETTER, NOW THAT I HAVE REACHED MANHOOD, THAN TO CHANNEL MY POWERS AND MY FINANCES INTO A PHILANTHROPIC EMPIRE AND A CAUSE I BELIEVE IN, WHICH IS: COMPETING WITH TOM RIDDLE, WHO IS A DOUCHE AND STOLE MY IDEA AND IS GOING TO USE IT TO TORTURE ORPHANS/TURN THEM INTO A DARK ARMY.  OH, ALSO I BELIEVE IN HELPING CHILDREN.  SPECIFICALLY, CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS/RELATIVES/FRIENDS/PETS HAVE BEEN MURDERED BY VOLDEMORT (YES...I SAID HIS NAME...FUCKING GET OVER IT).  I AM AN IDEAL ROLE MODEL, SO I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT LOADS OF LITTLE CHILDREN AROUND ME.  IN FACT, UNLIKE TOM RIDDLE, I SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I WILL NEITHER INTENTIONALLY TORTURE ANY ORPHANS NOR USE THEM TO FORM AN ARMY OF DARKNESS.


SO THERE'S NO POINT IN WAITING TO ANNOUNCE


THE HARRY POTTER ORPHAN ZOO AND PETTING SHELTER
LITTLE HANGLETON

OPENING SOON

YEAH.  EAT ME, TOM RIDDLE.  AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE STUPID PUSSY SHEEP.  I'M GOING TO HAVE FUCKING GOATS.

I'M CURRENTLY SIGNING THE PAPERS TO SECURE A LOT OF PROPERTY IN LITTLE HANGLETON, AND I'M IN TALKS WITH ABERFORTH DUMBLEDORE ABOUT THE PETTING ZOO.

BUT YOU KNOW, I'M A MAN OF VALUE AND PRINCIPLES.  THAT'S WHY I SWEAR TO OFFER YOU MUCH BETTER ORPHANS FOR A LOT LESS MONEY.


JUST REMEMBER, WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE BEST ORPHANS IN ENGLAND, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE HARRY POTTER ORPHAN ZOO!
Tags: draco malfoy, ginny weasley, harry potter, neville longbottom, terry boot, tom riddle
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